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STD's: One Woman's Return From Shame

Jen Oxford

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I will never forget the day my doctor told me I had contracted a sexually transmitted disease.

It was surreal and his words were incomprehensible at first. The previous few years flashed before my eyes. I had always planned to save sex for marriage. Over the years, I'd had boyfriends who knew and respected that, as well as dates that tried to push the limits. My senior year in college I finally lost my resistance. I gave in to my friends' philosophy and lived like casual sex was really "no big deal."

The doctor's words wounded a part of me I never even knew existed. From that point on, I saw others living their lives, but, secretly, I felt sidelined. I had just become a leper.

That began years of deep emotional struggle, and writhing physical pain from the topical prescription I'd been given. My days were spent trying to live a "normal" life at work. My nights were spent in my dark room trying to sort out my feelings of disappointment and shock at what I had done to myself. I wrestled with the puzzle of why my life had turned out so unlike the visions of dating and sex I'd seen countless times on TV and in the movies.

I withdrew from others and started to doubt my true attractiveness, my desirability, and my place in society. I wondered if there were other women out there with the same secret as me, but I dare not ask. I had nowhere to turn.

When I was about 25, however, Someone finally heard my cries. He got closer and I heard Him speak. It was God.

For the first time in years I finally felt safe with Someone. He was the only One I allowed into my complicated mess of a world. And He looked at me with love.

I was amazed.

I dived into learning all I could about Him. I went to a local church. I listened intently to the sermons. I joined a Bible study. I prayed.

I found out that God is amazing. We mess up; He loves us anyway. I began to actually feel thankful for my STD. Otherwise, I don't think I would have ever come to a place where I realized my need for Him.

Even now, in life beyond age 30, I continue to let God into parts of my life that no one else can reach. He has blessed me considerably with many miracles and healing.

If you are in a place where you feel left behind by the world, or that some deep, true love is missing in your life, I suggest you consider the friend you have in God.

To learn more about Jen's story and the miraculous things God has done in her life, watch the entire story at www.DeepDarkSecret.org.

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guest website: www.deepdarksecret.org

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