Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

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New Husband by Friday

Dr. Kevin Leman

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Secrets Revealed
by Dr. Leman (book excerpt)



Yes, you're a different species, but you can work together in harmony.

"Hey, honey, where's the Weber's mustard?" I asked, standing in the kitchen with the door of the refrigerator wide open.

"It's right in the fridge," my wife said from two rooms away.

I attempted to cram more of my torso inside the door to look, then stood up again. "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is," Sande insisted, "on the right side."

I took another forlorn look, shrugged, and called again, "No, it's not."

I couldn't see Sande, but I could just imagine her rolling her eyes in slow motion. After all, this scene had played out countless times in our marriage.

Sande swept into the kitchen, walked to the fridge, opened the door that I had closed in despair, and grabbed the item I was searching for. "Could this be what you were looking for?" Mrs. Uppington said with an expression that conveyed how really stupid I was. Then she bounced back to her work, shaking her head.

Why is it that women always win at lost and found anyway?

Recently, my college daughter Hannah's roommate got engaged. I found out about it when I was talking with Hannah on the phone. I asked her, in typical male/father fashion, "Well, honey, what's new?"

"Oh, Becca, my roommate, just got engaged."

"That's nice," I said.

That was it. End of subject. Move on to the next one.

The next day Sande and I were in the car, and Hannah phoned her mother. Evidently she told her mother the same news, because Sande said excitedly, "Oh, what good news. That is so wonderful. Becca must be so happy, so excited!"

And so, the long conversation launched. You know what questions I heard?

"Where did he give her the ring?"

"When are they going to get married?"

"Was she surprised?"

"Where's the wedding going to be?"

"Do her parents like him?"

"Are you going to give her an engagement party?"

"What does the ring look like?"

"Do you like it?"

"How do you feel about the engagement?"

Etc., etc., etc., with pauses in between for Hannah's excited chattering on the other end. I just had to smile. There's definitely a difference between how men and women communicate. Hannah and I are close. We call each other often. But she shares with her mother differently.

Then there was the little encounter I watched yesterday. I was sitting at a restaurant in Elmira, New York, and right next to me was a table of two couples in their mid-30s. The women were talking like two woodpeckers with ADHD. They shared continually, expressively, eyeball to eyeball, eight to ten inches apart, for the entire 45 minutes I was in the restaurant. And their husbands? They were doing the typical male behavior.

"Nice day, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Good soup."

A nod.

I couldn't help myself. I poked the guy next to me and said, "See those women? They're doing what they do best. They're shaaarrring."

He grinned.

We both watched as the women got up from the table. Then, arm in arm they walked out, and talked about when they were going to get together again. "Well, Tuesday would work for breakfast, but Wednesday for lunch. But on Thursday they have a marvelous soup, so maybe Thursday?" They were still talking up a storm while their husbands, whose word count had been demolished in their brief exchange, trailed behind.

I could relate. As a guy, I call myself fortunate to have one really good friend who's been my buddy since we were three. But do Moonhead and I spend our times together intensely sharing from our hearts? Nope. We go fishing; we go to ball games. Exchanging guttural grunts and yelling, "Get 'em!" is enough for us. But our wives? They're into the sharing and caring mode, not to mention an occasional hug.

Then there's the fact that when I make dinner at home, there are ten-minute respites in between each course. "Corn!" I call out, and everyone comes to the table and eats corn. Ten minutes later, "Potatoes!" A good 20 minutes after that, "Okay, the meat's ready!"

Contrast this with my lovely bride's meals, who whips off an incredible spread that is beautifully displayed.

And even more shocking, all the food is done at the same time! (Multitasking just isn't my forte. A case in point: I even have to turn the radio down in the car when I'm looking for something.)

There's no doubt about it. Men and women are different. If you don't believe that's true, then you might as well put this book down now. You won't understand what I'm saying.
There's a mistaken notion in society today that equality means "sameness." Yes, men and women are equal, but one thing I'm positively sure of: they are not the same.

Equal but Not the Same

Men and women are clearly not the same. Our brains are different; our body chemicals are different; our emotions are different, and we see life from completely different angles. For example, the journal Cerebral Cortex reported that the part of the brain controlling visual-spatial abilities and concepts of mental space -- skills necessary for tasks such as mathematics and architecture -- is about six percent larger in men than in women. Men's brains are larger, but women's brains contain more brain cells.

According to studies, male and female brains work differently. When men and women perform identical tasks, different areas of their brains light up in response. Females may use both hemispheres, while male brain activity is restricted to one side. Researcher L. Cahill and colleagues discovered that left-brain memory activity is stronger in women, and right-brain activity is stronger in men.















Left-Brain Functions

Right-Brain Functions

are logic oriented

are feeling oriented

are detail oriented

are big-picture oriented

focus on facts

focus on imagination

focus on words and language

focus on symbols and images

focus on present and past

focus on present and future

are math and science oriented

are philosophy and religion oriented

have good order/pattern perception

have good spatial perception

know object names

know object functions

are reality based

are fantasy based

can form strategies

can present possibilities

are practical

are impetuous

are safe

are risk taking




Have you wondered how your husband can work so long and so hard? Studies show that women have more severe and longer-lasting pain than men. (But you already knew that, didn't you?) On average, you experience headaches, facial and oral pain, back pain, and other ailments more frequently and more severely than your husband does. Perhaps that explains why when you get the flu, you take Dayquil and keep going (you're used to putting up with a little pain), but when your husband gets the flu, he turns into a little boy who needs chicken soup and keeps yelling for orange juice. Stat! Men can't handle pain the way women can.

Although a few researchers still try to pretend that men's and women's bodies are essentially the same outside the bikini lines, more doctors and scientists are coming to agree with Dr. Marianne Legato of Columbia University, who says, "We're talking about substantive, important differences bet

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